Thursday, March 19, 2015

Thoughts for the day: Current Survivor

First of all, you can't think of depression like a disease that you can be "cured" from. You'll always have depression there somewhere lingering around in your bones.
That's the misconception of depression, it's not just a temporary episode of sadness, sorrow, or hopelessness, but a disease that people fight all the time. 

Second, you have to pin point things that trigger some of the episodes you do have, example: recurring negative thoughts and then figure out a basis of why you keep thinking them, find common ground and take that common ground away. The way I keep from depression taking over is that I keep busy, the busier I am, the less time I have to even think bout my depression. I write a lot. That's my savior right there. The pain and the utter hopelessness seems to disappear when I let it out through my writing. There is no doubt that I am not 100% depression free, but I do my best to stay healthy. 
Alcohol is a big factor to depression, stay away from it if you can't control yourself. Moderation is key. 
Find good friends and allies that will help you through your episodes. I still have some that I need help with. You can never get out of it, but you can surely not make it a dominant part of your life, that's why methods usually fail because people think they can be "cured".
 Find something that interests you for the better and pursue it. 
Find God, he's helped me through a lot too. 
And first of all know that your are never alone. 
As many times as I feel like I'm isolated and I have no one, that's when friends remind me that I'm not. Even if you want to stay in your room, eat ice cream and cry all day, do it occasionally but don't make it a routine. You can cry once a month about one thing and then you have to do your best to let it go. 

Letting go is the hardest part, especially if the pain is tremendous. All you know is pain, so once you let it go what's left? That's the scary part, but don't let it frighten you; it is well worth it. 

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Thoughts for the Day: Super Glue

She feels broken all the time,
But never realizes the world
is broken before her eyes.
She’s blinded by the shattered pieces,
The pieces, which hauntingly reflect her soul
A soul that is battered, bruised, and worn
Her heart can’t take anymore.
She thinks she is broken as broken can get,
Filled with regret.
Filled with regret.
But as each shallow breath she takes,
She continues to pick herself up each day.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Dreams=Nightmares



I would risk the day you come to me,
To not know who you are,
Than sit here and grasp my chest,
Wishing for the pain to stop. 

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Never say Never



Honey,
Did you see -
That all this time you were slowly killing me,
Your words danced
along
my
skin,
I knew I-
 could never win.
Why is it
that
 late
at
night-
You’re the reason it feels so right,
And we can never tell a soul,
That’s why it’s leaving a gaping hole.

And I contemplate you everyday
About how I should be stronger and walk away,
But your words echo inside of my chest,
They consume my heart and make a mess,
 
And we both know,
I can never tell you farewell,
that is why I keep trying to ground myself,
 
I keep telling myself instead,
I will
never
love you,
that is what I will continue to chant inside of my head.