So on New Years Eve, the most important thing for most people is the drinking, and Oh don't forget the kiss. Its like Valentines Day every year, the ones that don't have someone to kiss are alone. Sure, let's get as drunk as we possibly can and then maybe the whole "Kiss" won't seem like such a big thing anymore, right?
Then there is me. It is like thoughts are conflicting, like pressing against my brain where this holiday just is a bummer. Let me try to be a whole lot happier, maybe this holiday won't have to suck as much as it already does. And you know, that this is what it is. It is not going to be how I want them. I'm such a perfectionist that I want everything to go exactly how I want them; that's probably why holidays aren't much of a joyous occasion for me.
If only, I could just sleep through each holiday. Would that make everything better? Or would it just be completely worse?
The one thing I want for this new year is probably never going to happen and I should just cut my loses now, but then I would be giving up and that is not an option; Well, for me anyway.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Thoughts for Today: Happy F'n New Year
Is there ever a point in your life when Holidays just don't match up to your expectations? I think that is what happens through out the years, they are just another day, that is it. I think as you grow older stuff doesn't really matter anymore. Sure, There might be some holidays down the road that might turn out to be a good one. Or is it that I just don't expect them to turn out great in the first place. I think what gets be blue around these kind of holidays is that, most of the time there is always something wrong that happens, let's just say I end up crying during most of these holidays. Sometimes, I think I would rather just watch TV than actually go out and do something, mostly because everyone is always busy with their lives, its hard to actually try to fit yourself in. But I guess Oh well, another Holiday about to be passed by. Another year to just do the same things again, let's just hope that it'll turn out better than this year.
so let's raise a glass tonight and let the motto of this new year be: "Fuck it."
All I'm saying is Happy New Year everyone, may it turn out better than it was, but that's just leaving it up to chance.
so let's raise a glass tonight and let the motto of this new year be: "Fuck it."
All I'm saying is Happy New Year everyone, may it turn out better than it was, but that's just leaving it up to chance.
Four Little Letters Can Redefine Everything
Call this a last request, if you will.
Your lips on top of mine as we share a kiss of Death Divine.
Let Us embrace in this dance,
This is where the spotlight hits, its my last chance.
The World begins to spin, but all i see is your eyes and your perfect grin.
I twirl in the light, but you disappear.
I'm alone to do my own duet.
Ten seconds is all it takes to make or break someone.
I glide acrosss the memories, towards the future in the distance. You grab my hand and pull me towards the present now 4 little letters can redefine everything.
This is where the show begins.
We glide across the open floor, we turn and caress the upmost joy, 4 little letters can redefine evrything.
You sweep me off the world, reach the sky. You push me out, and I'll twirl in, 4 little letters can redefine everything.
Someday I'll show you the sky, Where everything around us is more than a charade, 4 little letters can redefine everything.
We cross a path where each one of us goes seperate ways,
I can't be your duet if your a one man show.
I carry this sorrow through this place, My gracefullness stripped bare.
4 Little letters can redefine everything.
I twirl and Spin but its no use at all, I'm caught up in a whirl wind.
As I continue my solo, I see you in the distance with a shadow by your side.
This is where 4 little letters can redefine everthing.
Now I realize,
That this was never my show,
Because you stole the spotlight.
Your lips on top of mine as we share a kiss of Death Divine.
Let Us embrace in this dance,
This is where the spotlight hits, its my last chance.
The World begins to spin, but all i see is your eyes and your perfect grin.
I twirl in the light, but you disappear.
I'm alone to do my own duet.
Ten seconds is all it takes to make or break someone.
I glide acrosss the memories, towards the future in the distance. You grab my hand and pull me towards the present now 4 little letters can redefine everything.
This is where the show begins.
We glide across the open floor, we turn and caress the upmost joy, 4 little letters can redefine evrything.
You sweep me off the world, reach the sky. You push me out, and I'll twirl in, 4 little letters can redefine everything.
Someday I'll show you the sky, Where everything around us is more than a charade, 4 little letters can redefine everything.
We cross a path where each one of us goes seperate ways,
I can't be your duet if your a one man show.
I carry this sorrow through this place, My gracefullness stripped bare.
4 Little letters can redefine everything.
I twirl and Spin but its no use at all, I'm caught up in a whirl wind.
As I continue my solo, I see you in the distance with a shadow by your side.
This is where 4 little letters can redefine everthing.
Now I realize,
That this was never my show,
Because you stole the spotlight.
Thoughts for today: Go ahead and Save Yourself
Ill Close my eyes, take a deep breath
Fall into the same situation
Reassess everything
Time bends and twists And contorts
To something different
A frightening illusion made to trigger pain
Can you feel the pain radiating from my bruises?
Can you feel my sorrow engulfing your air?
Take a deep breath
This was all for you
Can you save me?
But you can't save yourself.
I'm getting lost in this ocean
emotions swirling choking me,
drowning me.
I need a hero, I need you
But for tonight I'll lay in your arms
My problems shall float away with the wind
I'll forget, simply forget everything
Isn't this how you wanted it?
Look in the mirror do you see what you want to see?
Or do you see the problems your agony hidden within your eyes?
Beautiful, the way you move, the way you smile, the way you hold me
And for you,
I'll forget everything and everyone
The time is now so hold me tonight
Kiss me like this is goodbye
But don't you dare let go.
Your words trickle along the edges of my ears
Believing your words is a arduous task
I will face time and time again
Your eyes betray your feelings
So I will give you the benefit of the doubt.
When you left, I cried
I'm not strong enough
Goodbyes are too hard to define
Please keep the best thoughts and memories with you
For in return I shall do the same.
Forever.
I'll do it for you, it's strange, but it just fits Everything fell into place.
And for the unhealthy worries you make me feel,
Take care, Bon voyage, sayanora, goodbye.
I am who I am. And I am very content.
Fall into the same situation
Reassess everything
Time bends and twists And contorts
To something different
A frightening illusion made to trigger pain
Can you feel the pain radiating from my bruises?
Can you feel my sorrow engulfing your air?
Take a deep breath
This was all for you
Can you save me?
But you can't save yourself.
I'm getting lost in this ocean
emotions swirling choking me,
drowning me.
I need a hero, I need you
But for tonight I'll lay in your arms
My problems shall float away with the wind
I'll forget, simply forget everything
Isn't this how you wanted it?
Look in the mirror do you see what you want to see?
Or do you see the problems your agony hidden within your eyes?
Beautiful, the way you move, the way you smile, the way you hold me
And for you,
I'll forget everything and everyone
The time is now so hold me tonight
Kiss me like this is goodbye
But don't you dare let go.
Your words trickle along the edges of my ears
Believing your words is a arduous task
I will face time and time again
Your eyes betray your feelings
So I will give you the benefit of the doubt.
When you left, I cried
I'm not strong enough
Goodbyes are too hard to define
Please keep the best thoughts and memories with you
For in return I shall do the same.
Forever.
I'll do it for you, it's strange, but it just fits Everything fell into place.
And for the unhealthy worries you make me feel,
Take care, Bon voyage, sayanora, goodbye.
I am who I am. And I am very content.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Thoughts for Today: Gouge out Your Eyes
Sometimes words can't express the feeling when your heart falls into the pit of your stomach,
it can't express the feeling of doubt and insecurities hidden behind your smile,
it can't describe the way your heart incessantly beats but in an instance is silenced beyond belief.
Sometimes trying can't even produce a smile at the end of the day,
it can't nurse your wounds from others vicious thoughts and actions,
it can't comfort you when you feel your to the point of wanting to break.
Sometimes, when you try your hardest, your attempts are so futile, so unrecognized, that they are glanced over with fake smiles and charmed words.
+-----------+
If a smile can fix you. Then why can't you at least fake one for my benifit.
Im trying my hardest and it seems like i shouldn't try because you don't notice them anyways.
So gouge out your eyes, if noticing isn't important.
it can't express the feeling of doubt and insecurities hidden behind your smile,
it can't describe the way your heart incessantly beats but in an instance is silenced beyond belief.
Sometimes trying can't even produce a smile at the end of the day,
it can't nurse your wounds from others vicious thoughts and actions,
it can't comfort you when you feel your to the point of wanting to break.
Sometimes, when you try your hardest, your attempts are so futile, so unrecognized, that they are glanced over with fake smiles and charmed words.
+-----------+
If a smile can fix you. Then why can't you at least fake one for my benifit.
Im trying my hardest and it seems like i shouldn't try because you don't notice them anyways.
So gouge out your eyes, if noticing isn't important.
Thoughts for Today: Drown your Lungs
Frustrations batter you around like the ocean during a midnight storm.
These times are tough. Everyone has problems and frustrations in their life.
but yet, some of those people take it one day at a time.
and the others?
They let those problems build and build till tolerance is no longer an option, where anger overrides any feeling, where any little move someone makes gets on their nerves till its time to explode.
Its those days where you don't want to get out of bed, just because you know what lies ahead.
But what can you do?
You get up paste on a smile for the day and go about your business.
But when you're one of the other persons stresses. What can you do?
Should you just eliminate yourself from the situation and make things a whole lot better for the other person?
When times are tough, they embed embarrassment, self-nothingness, and rock-bottom-low self esteem. You try and try, and what about communication? Communication was long gone.
Sure, you know you can be a handful and sometimes hard to understand, but you just need a helping hand to fight the monsters lingering in your head.
Its all about tolerance.
they tolerate you.
and where is tolerance now? Its left lying at the bottom of the ocean, because the waves, oh, the rough waves won.
and now, after everything, you still try and try with all your being, but it never seems enough.
after the countless number of waves beat you down, after they filled your lungs and drowned your insides, you're left with the option of letting it win.
Is this where you should just give up?
oh, after everything you are still gonna try to warm the waters of the ferocious bitter waves.
These times are tough. Everyone has problems and frustrations in their life.
but yet, some of those people take it one day at a time.
and the others?
They let those problems build and build till tolerance is no longer an option, where anger overrides any feeling, where any little move someone makes gets on their nerves till its time to explode.
Its those days where you don't want to get out of bed, just because you know what lies ahead.
But what can you do?
You get up paste on a smile for the day and go about your business.
But when you're one of the other persons stresses. What can you do?
Should you just eliminate yourself from the situation and make things a whole lot better for the other person?
When times are tough, they embed embarrassment, self-nothingness, and rock-bottom-low self esteem. You try and try, and what about communication? Communication was long gone.
Sure, you know you can be a handful and sometimes hard to understand, but you just need a helping hand to fight the monsters lingering in your head.
Its all about tolerance.
they tolerate you.
and where is tolerance now? Its left lying at the bottom of the ocean, because the waves, oh, the rough waves won.
and now, after everything, you still try and try with all your being, but it never seems enough.
after the countless number of waves beat you down, after they filled your lungs and drowned your insides, you're left with the option of letting it win.
Is this where you should just give up?
oh, after everything you are still gonna try to warm the waters of the ferocious bitter waves.
Thoughts for Today: Put on your Face
And all the thoughts caught between reality,
the useless pages filled with lies,
all that I once was, effaced,
by the end of time.
The truth set in,
and cluttered the mind,
to be once who I was, forgotten,
I had crossed the line.
The bounded heart,
tied down to a sycamore tree,
to love how i once loved, damaged,
beyond belief.
The insomiactic days bore on,
seconds loomed around the clock,
to be where I once was, departed,
by attempted hara-kiri.
The self image that was seen,
glazed over with conscious flaws,
to see myself as I once was, loathsome,
I'm about to fall.
The fear embeds its nightmare friends,
producing psychopathic fright,
to be courageous as I once was, weakened,
never wanting to fight.
Lies, Truth, self-image, fear.
Could this be my downfall..... or demise.
Thoguhts for Today: Stop Your Heart
How is it that all the good guys have girlfriends that are bitchy hoes?
But you keep quiet, because you can't bear it if they hate you for saying it.
How is it that no matter how hard you try, you fail.
But you stay optimistic in hopes that it will happen.
How is it that when you both look at each other,
both of you can feel the chemistry,
but you can't bring yourself to tell them how you feel.
How is it that you write something and hope they read this,
and they probably won't,
so your efforts are wasted.
Sigh, wasted. yet again.
In chances that it does happen,
you, the guy, feel the same way she feels,
so why can't the words just over take you,
And take a chance.
(oh wait, I totally forgot about the bitchy hoe. Sigh.)
On another note.
Isn't blood thicker than water?
Yeah, i thought so.
Sigh.
Many thoughts.
Many feelings.
Combined into one note.
Suck on that, and go stop your heart.
But you keep quiet, because you can't bear it if they hate you for saying it.
How is it that no matter how hard you try, you fail.
But you stay optimistic in hopes that it will happen.
How is it that when you both look at each other,
both of you can feel the chemistry,
but you can't bring yourself to tell them how you feel.
How is it that you write something and hope they read this,
and they probably won't,
so your efforts are wasted.
Sigh, wasted. yet again.
In chances that it does happen,
you, the guy, feel the same way she feels,
so why can't the words just over take you,
And take a chance.
(oh wait, I totally forgot about the bitchy hoe. Sigh.)
On another note.
Isn't blood thicker than water?
Yeah, i thought so.
Sigh.
Many thoughts.
Many feelings.
Combined into one note.
Suck on that, and go stop your heart.
Thoughts for today: Slice It Up
We go through our lives day after day,
a synchronized routine to get us through a week.
We wake up and put our face on.
the one that is supposed to help us get through the month.
oh but the year?
Damn, that's long enough.
how is it that the worst ideas are the more entertaining ones?
how is that one can simply feel ashamed in an instance, but what they did was so predictable its over looked?
When you feel like nothing is slowly breathing down your spine, the dark deep abyss, just yearning for your soul.
How is that I keep you by my side, but when you're here, its like a hollow figure meant to keep me sane?
Thoughts,
oh how the thoughts just over run my mind,
they make the lines start to form beneath my eyes,
like many nights just thinking than for sleep.
Try to think about how many times,
laying awake,
waiting for the dreams or the nightmares to take place.
what is the meaning of life?
How is it that many people stress over everything no matter how small or big the worry,
but they end up dead in the end?
Sure, life is what you make it.
good or bad.
but what is the meaning of anything.
when there is nothing, there is something.
and without something, there is nothing.
Its an endless cycle made for the thoughts of the person to just consume them.
All the way down to the core of their soul.
"Go ahead and try to fight it,
go ahead and live forever.
the thoughts of you remain the same,
a person whose now a no name.
Go ahead and free your mind,
is it even worth your life,
try so hard to be fortunate,
when all that fortune is fake.
Go ahead and push the top person,
off their pedestal,
make them see what their hearts fear,
when they get what they want,
its with pain and suffering in between.
Go ahead and fill your soul with bitterness and sorrow.
Go ahead and try to speak the words meant for tomorrow.
Many will fall and many will rise,
that is how your life will be,
working hard for your fame,
when everyone can't even remember your name".
Why do people try?
when they reach the end of time to say they tried.
Their efforts weren't in vain.
a synchronized routine to get us through a week.
We wake up and put our face on.
the one that is supposed to help us get through the month.
oh but the year?
Damn, that's long enough.
how is it that the worst ideas are the more entertaining ones?
how is that one can simply feel ashamed in an instance, but what they did was so predictable its over looked?
When you feel like nothing is slowly breathing down your spine, the dark deep abyss, just yearning for your soul.
How is that I keep you by my side, but when you're here, its like a hollow figure meant to keep me sane?
Thoughts,
oh how the thoughts just over run my mind,
they make the lines start to form beneath my eyes,
like many nights just thinking than for sleep.
Try to think about how many times,
laying awake,
waiting for the dreams or the nightmares to take place.
what is the meaning of life?
How is it that many people stress over everything no matter how small or big the worry,
but they end up dead in the end?
Sure, life is what you make it.
good or bad.
but what is the meaning of anything.
when there is nothing, there is something.
and without something, there is nothing.
Its an endless cycle made for the thoughts of the person to just consume them.
All the way down to the core of their soul.
"Go ahead and try to fight it,
go ahead and live forever.
the thoughts of you remain the same,
a person whose now a no name.
Go ahead and free your mind,
is it even worth your life,
try so hard to be fortunate,
when all that fortune is fake.
Go ahead and push the top person,
off their pedestal,
make them see what their hearts fear,
when they get what they want,
its with pain and suffering in between.
Go ahead and fill your soul with bitterness and sorrow.
Go ahead and try to speak the words meant for tomorrow.
Many will fall and many will rise,
that is how your life will be,
working hard for your fame,
when everyone can't even remember your name".
Why do people try?
when they reach the end of time to say they tried.
Their efforts weren't in vain.
Thoughts for Today: Bite Off your Tongue
Is there ever a reason that a guy can be so thoughtless and mean? Its like I try to be the grown up, well more like "have" to be the grown up. And they just lie to your face. Now, don't get me wrong not all guys are like that, but when it happens, what is their thought process on that? I think if the truth was told I would just get over it because that's the type of person I am. I like communication. I think the main thing that just bothers me is that, people would rather lie than man up and just take it. It's worse to find out from something else rather than the person you trust to tell the truth in the first place.
I just sometimes wish that you would bite off your tongue instead of lie straight to my face, but then you wouldn't have a tongue times a million. That's just asking for a lot.
Thoughts for the day: Chew On that
There is a fine line between friendship,
but what we have is much more,
It is at the end of infinity,
at the beginning of eternity,
not measured by keeping score.
We never speak what we are thinking,
but understand all of the meanings,
It is beyond the look in our eyes.
Our life is categorized as Star-crossed lovers,
but we defy all the rules,
and now like time through the hour glass,
has this line been breached?
but what we have is much more,
It is at the end of infinity,
at the beginning of eternity,
not measured by keeping score.
We never speak what we are thinking,
but understand all of the meanings,
It is beyond the look in our eyes.
Our life is categorized as Star-crossed lovers,
but we defy all the rules,
and now like time through the hour glass,
has this line been breached?
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