Thoughts for Today: Can today be the day I fall apart?

Can today be the day that I finally fall apart?
Can you see me set the lines that I'm ready to start,
Can you see the day get stained and filled with no,
oh no, no hopes of tomorrow.

I've endured the life of a whore and martyr,
but to no avail I was never one,
Everyone just keeps putting me to shame,
Can you even remember my name?

It wasn't what anything seemed and yet the world the life I've lived had lost its gleam,
These dirty times filled with plague,
Upon your lips I have stayed,
And with the flick of your wrist,
I've been thrown to the bottom laced with ticks.

Could you bother with a peaceful goodbye,
one to show that you're not like the other guys,
Can you tell why for so long you've stayed and this life we lived you have strayed?

Call me softly one last time,
and stop from letting out your mouth any lies,
Truth may seem so far long gone,
to think you were the one for my song.

Can today be the day I finally fall apart?
Can you see the lines that have been made,
Here in this tomb called Life I have been laid.

Thoughts for the day: Can you feel your life wasting away?

Tick Tock,
Tick Tock,
Can you feel the time wasting away?

As the time slowly passes,
the friends you once knew have disappeared,
can you feel your life slipping away?

Everything is fading,
the seasons are begin to changing,
can you feel you life withering away?

I sit here and think of what this life meant to me,
now I figured that it was a show,
it wasn't for me or for you,
It was a carnival act for the whole world to see,
Is everyone staring at me?

I walk through the routines that keep coming back on time,
I sleep through the days that keep passing by,
Am I the zombie that sludges and holds grudges
but never cries?

Tick Tock,
Tick Tock,
Can you feel your life wasting away?

Thoughts for the day: Does this Mean you're Moving on?

Let the tears fall,
So I guess you're moving on,
we've been listening to the same song on repeat,
I'm defeated, I'm beat.

I've been trying to change the tune we play,
but I keep losing you day by day,
I'm alone, and now forgotten,
Let's just quit while we're ahead,
Can you return my heart instead?

Maybe this change will instill in your mind,
and over time,
you'll realize you needed me.

I've loved you since day one,
and even though things keep changing,
we keep fading,
I'm holding your hand,
and I'll always stand,
with you.

And as you go,
I hope you know,
I'll always love you.

Thoughts for the day: The End of this Chapter

There is a part of me that constantly keeps worrying. Over and over I keep trying to be happier. Just be happier. But nothing seems to keep me there. There are special places and people, that for a moment I seem like I am happy, but the darkness that looms around me keeps me in such a sorrow state. Time is supposed to heal, but When? when is it supposed to be alright. I keep telling myself it'll be okay, it will work out in the end. I'm trying so hard to keep being optimistic and hopeful; but then there is everything else that keeps rejecting and making me feel worse. There is a point to where you can keep being happy and then to the point where you just want to just quit. Let us just give up already. I mean damn, why is it so hard. It's just so hard and life just sucks. Then where is the advice that I have been given where does it fit into my life. Am I just constantly pushing it away, or is it just life just testing me?

Then there is everything that constantly keeps making feel like a complete waste of space. I'm jsut a waste. Nothing is ever good enough is it. It will never be. Life keeps getting in the way and I hate it so much that I can't just keep going on like this.

Im taking the time to finally cut every single tie to everyone. Im tired.

Thoughts for the day: Don't be stubborn, Listen.

Its kind of taking time to reach out to all of my old friends. I sometimes feel like I shouldn't bother because they have their owns lives to take care of. I don't want to be a bother. I am slowly starting to become more sociable than I was and that is saying a whole lot because lately all I want to do is just stay home by myself and watch Netflix. I'm being a Hermit. Until recently I haven't needed other people, and now I find myself lonelier than I started. I guess there is a good thing that I am trying, that should count, right?
There are many people and they keep giving me advice, my problem is that I don't listen.

I got some advice today and from one of my recently lost friends, and it shed some light on to the whole subject of my life.

the advice was: "Things like guys, finances, friend drama, they all go away...Time doesn't necessarily heal all wounds. I mean it does, but not really. Events do. New memories do. Looking back in a couple weeks, months, years; whatever it may be, you'll know you were always going somewhere."

It really struck home for me.

Thanks, I really needed to hear it.
Today I ask for the ability to listen, especially to the many people giving me such great advice.

Thoughts for Today: Beauty Tips I want to Try :)

You know there are those days that you don't feel up to your full potential? Yeah I guess we all do sometimes.

Here are a few budget friendly tips to help you feel better looking and most of them are quick too:

Egg White Mask: separate the egg whites from the yolk and apply on your face. Leave on for 10 minutes and rinse with warm water. apply a light skin cream for moisture.

Red Wine Bath: 1 cup of red wine; pour into bath and soak! For smoother skin.

Grapes: Green grapes, mix with a tsp. of honey. Apply to face. leave on for 10 minutes and rinse.

Seaweed bath: for healthier skin, also you can even eat sea weed as well.

Strawberries kill acne!: smush up apply to acne (wherever it may be) leave on for 5-10 minutes and rinse. It contains what most acne fighters use as their main ingredient.

Lemon juice: dip your nails in lemon juice for whiter looker nails. soak for 10 minutes.
Also, if you add baking soda to lemon juice and brush your teeth, it helps remove stains for whiter looking teeth!

Brewed Coffee: rinse your hair with brewed coffee and it should help bring out natural highlights and color. Who knew?

Olive Oil: apply to dry skin areas. Makes skin super shiny and smooth.

Sugar: It is a great exfoliate! add it to your bath soap.

Thoughts for today: My best friend is my lover, and my lover is my best friend.

Is it a bad thing to be a best friend, when you both know that you both love each other? Is it always going to be like this.
friend ---> lover---->best friend<-----lover|

It is like an endless cycle that keeps going and going. Is it just pre-determined. The mind gets selfish and categorizes the love of your life as a best friend.
Is this because in the end if your love doesn't work out you can say at the very least that you are best friends? How sad. Is it because you are scared? Is it because you don't think that the love will last? Doubt?

I think it's people being cowards. You know what you want but you make yourself doubt everything. People are happy and when things fall into place they just purposely screw them up because their life isn't exciting anymore. It makes me feel like things have just been given up.

Did I give up? or Did you give up?
I thought we both had more back bone to us; isn't it that that is what made us so astronomically invincible?

Ive been given this chance in my life to keep fighting or let the doubts and worries keep consuming me whole.
And, Today I ask for courage to keep fighting for what I love and believe in.

Thoughts for today: I might be Young, but My life isn't

There is a life ahead of you, things change. Everyone, all their voices, just keep playing on repeat. They keep chirping in my ear telling me not to fear; everything can change. You still have your life ahead of you. But what they don't understand is that I make choices for MY own life, the bickering just doesn't change. I don't worry about my future as long as I have you. It's been years of them incessantly telling me how much of my life I still have to lead, But in the end they still will never understand me.

"Those Youtful eyes are glossed over,
with old lies and being naive,
to be who I am,
young, but never free.

We are both dysfunctionally functional,
running around like a motor boat,
to get away as far away,
as we can ever be.

I'm laughing out loud to the sound of their sighs,
I am who I am, stop, Don't try,
I'm both young and naive,
than you would rather me be,
And I would give up a lot for you,
I'm a lover, Not a fighter,
and my future is brighter,
when I'm with you.

I may be young, but who should judge,
they just lack courage and curiousity,
to follow their passions,
because life to them is all just reality.

And this life that I live may seem to you a bit premature,
But to me I am happy."

Thoughts for today: Give me Strength

Its been a while since I could smile a genuine smile. I've been feeling a little happier lately. I think that is a good thing. Times may be tough right now, But life isn't always going to be hard. I'm slowly working my way to getting things to be on the right track. It feels like I keep having to work and work towards my goals, but I think in the end it'll be worth it. It's times like these where I can totally be grateful for what I have. The memories I have now are in the past and it is time to start making new ones. Even though I give too much credit to my memories and how I think that they were the greatest, I should be glad that I am alive today.
There are people in my life that care about me, and maybe I should give them a chance. I am such a loner sometimes, but it is like my safety net, I would rather be alone than have someone that I care about so much betray me or just disappoint me. I guess that's when you have to risk everything in hopes of gaining, than risk nothing and run the risk of losing everything. I'm pretty sure that made sense.
Today I ask for strength to let me able to open up and make new friends without the fear of failure holding me back.

Thoughts for today: Let us go off into Oblivion

These days keep passing by,
and all these anxious thoughts linger inside of my head,
I've tried to stay who I am, but after all this bickering I lost myself instead.

I've been circling around my life for years,
the same old things just blur and fade,
I've been driven to the point of only remembering gray.

I've been trying to hard for all the wrong reasons,
I've been loving you and all I do is make; this distance,
This time, Feel like a deep burning hole.
I've tried to release this way of thinking, but to no avail I'm back at the beginning again.

When more years seem to flutter by,
I've been hoping you'll be the one who stays by my side,

It's been a long arduous journey for the both of us,
We've been through deep black storms and hurricanes,
the kind of tornadoes that destroy and slay,
But with all of the things that happen,
at the end I know I'll be happy.

We've come so far to end things now.

Wherever you go, happiness follows,
Let us go off into Oblivion.

Thoughts for Today: Look in the Mirror

There is always a part of me that can't seem to understand why I am jealous. Jealousy is one of my major weaknesses. Is it because I don't like who I see in the mirror? Is it because that I think that I am not good enough? It could as well be either of those or both.
I'm at a point in my life where Jealousy is a big issue, and its really hard to overcome such a difficult insecurity with myself. I have been thinking to myself lately that maybe its just thoughts in my head. The real battle that I am fighting is, well, myself. I have waging a war on myself for many years, and yes I might be young, But I do still experience life. Anyways, this war I have been fighting is that I try to make myself good enough for someone, I try to be all that I can be 24/7, and when I see someone else come along and be themselves and everyone likes them for it, I get jealous. I feel sometimes that when I'm plain ol' me that no one is gonna stick around. Everyone says "Oh we'll still Love you!" but as time passes by they fade away and then their words just don't mean anything. Everyone leaves at some point in their lives. It's inevitable.
So, the question is should I be myself and fear that no one is going to stick around? Or should I let being someone else make me something I think is better? It's still a tough decision. I confronted some of those insecurities and I feel somewhat better, but still deep inside it's like I'm just being rude. Its hard to explain and I'm still finding who I am, I just hope one day that whichever I choose, someone will be by my side sharing my journey.