There is always a part of me that can't seem to understand why I am jealous. Jealousy is one of my major weaknesses. Is it because I don't like who I see in the mirror? Is it because that I think that I am not good enough? It could as well be either of those or both.
I'm at a point in my life where Jealousy is a big issue, and its really hard to overcome such a difficult insecurity with myself. I have been thinking to myself lately that maybe its just thoughts in my head. The real battle that I am fighting is, well, myself. I have waging a war on myself for many years, and yes I might be young, But I do still experience life. Anyways, this war I have been fighting is that I try to make myself good enough for someone, I try to be all that I can be 24/7, and when I see someone else come along and be themselves and everyone likes them for it, I get jealous. I feel sometimes that when I'm plain ol' me that no one is gonna stick around. Everyone says "Oh we'll still Love you!" but as time passes by they fade away and then their words just don't mean anything. Everyone leaves at some point in their lives. It's inevitable.
So, the question is should I be myself and fear that no one is going to stick around? Or should I let being someone else make me something I think is better? It's still a tough decision. I confronted some of those insecurities and I feel somewhat better, but still deep inside it's like I'm just being rude. Its hard to explain and I'm still finding who I am, I just hope one day that whichever I choose, someone will be by my side sharing my journey.
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