Thoughts for the day: Dreams: Reality vs. Reality

Sometimes I have really crazy dreams. I lose track of reality. I forget that it's not real. Or is it? There has been a story playing in my mind for years now and sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm traveling into a different world? This is part three. If you haven't read part one or two. It's called The dream: Part Ichi and Part Ni. Here let’s have a listen.

I'm walking on a bridge. It's fogging outside where it feels like the middle of fall. The wind is cold but not enough to bite at my skin. I notice the waters below were calm. Everything seemed peaceful but frightening at the same time. In the distant I could see a forest of trees lining the scenery; there were no buildings or cities. I was in the middle of nowhere it seemed. I walked down from the bridge that led to a gravel path. There was a boy standing there. He looked at me once and when he registered on his face that he knew me, his eyes grew wide, scared even, and he took off running.

I screamed, "Wait!"
He didn't stop running.
I took a couple steps to run after him, but he was gone so quickly into the fog. It was no use to chase after him.

I looked around the river that cut the forest in half, there was a man on the other side, and he was waving to me. I tried to look closer, but he was too far away. His silhouette looked extremely familiar. I couldn't place him. I walked closer along the edge to see if I could get a better look. The water started to touch the toes of my shoes. I was getting too close to the water. When I looked up at the spot where the man was, he was gone. I looked along the river’s edge, but there was no sign of him. Once again, someone had disappeared into the fog. I started to finally feel the cold of the wind, because my body started to shake. I didn't need to stand here any longer so I started off in search for a house, a cabin, anything that could provide warmth.

"Morganna!" a deep toned voice called out.

I spun around and I saw the man running towards me. As he got closer, His features were clearer. His eyes were the ones that gave him away. I met him before.

"Morganna!" he called out again as he finally reached me, wrapping his arms around me. I crashed into his chest from the force of his run. I stood still I didn't move. I couldn't place him still, but I knew him.
I stood back from him, his face turned into confusion.
"Morganna?" he asked.
"I'm sorry...I... I don't know you." I said quietly.
"Yes you do. Think hard about it." He said.
I tried for a moment to recall him, but I couldn't. I had no idea who this man was.
He sighed then grabbed my shoulders, "Listen Morganna," he began, "You are in your dream."
He saw the confusion on my face. "We've already been through this. You have to remember."
I took a step back, "I'm in my dream." I said out loud. It didn't seem real.

That is when I felt a strange shock in my fingers, a jolt of electricity ran through my whole entire body. I grabbed my stomach and fell to the ground. I was screaming out in pain.
"Morganna! Don't fight it. It'll be okay." The man said rushing to my side. He held my head in his hands and started to shush me.
I was screaming so loud my vocal chords ached. The pain radiated from every joint, every muscle in my body. It was a pain worse than death. When I felt like it couldn't get any worse, the apex of the pain, that’s when bits of memories started to flood through. There was a mall. There were people. There was a woman with bony fingers. Her facial expression was angry. Then there was this man, the man that was holding me; I remembered his smile. I remember him telling the woman that she couldn't have me. I remember him telling me I was in my dream.

Everything started to click inside my mind. The pain subsided quickly as soon as I realized my past. I sat up on the ground. He looked at me and said with a smile, "It sure does hurt, doesn't it?"
I was still confused. "How did you know I was here? What was that pain? Where am I?" I asked. I had a million questions.
He laughed a little bit, "Slow your roll Morganna. We'll get to that. Right now we need to get somewhere safe. The young boy you met when you got here, he isn't on our side."
"What do you mean 'our side'?"
"There are two sides here in the dream world. The dream walkers, that's us, and the Snatchers, that's the people who want you."
"Dream wal-"
"Yes, Dream walkers."
I was trying to wrap my head around this. Was this real? Was my mind just making things up? I couldn't tell.
"C'mon lets go." He said as he grabbed my arm.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"Anywhere but where we are. The boy saw us, so that means he already let some of the snatchers know we're here."

I nodded, I couldn't form words. I followed him through the forest. It seemed like miles until we finally reached a clearing. The plants around the clearing seemed dead, like they were hanging on what little life force they had left.

"That’s strange." I said as I reached out and touched a black drooping rose.
"Don't M-" he began, but it was too late. I had touched the rose and it sliced my finger so deep blood instantly began to rush down my hand.
"I didn't know-"I said and I quickly passed out with the sight of blood.

Thoughts for the day: Dreams: Cold War.

I had a dream about you again. We were standing in the halls of the high school we went to. The lights were dim as if I was looking on to a memory I once lived. If I close my eyes now, I could still feel the lingering feeling of how I felt in that dream. The warmth and security of your presence was always enough for me. I really hate dreaming about you, because when I wake up I have to think about you. In all honesty, I would rather forget. I want to forget, but my mind will always think of you at times I am vulnerable. There is one scene that sticks inside my head.

It starts out where I am sitting in a desk at the library reading a book, but then you walk in. I'm mostly surprised, but happy at the same time. I hide my face beneath the book and I peek up at you. You catch a glimpse of me and you turn quickly enough around trying to even register on your face that you saw me, but I already knew you did. A part of my heart broke off then. I stood up from my desk and I wander after you, but you're already gone. I wander the hallway aimlessly for a couple minutes. I then stop at one of the metal doors that lead outside. There was a staircase off to the side of the doors and that is when I collapsed to the floor and cried. I sobbed till my chest hurt and my eyes burned. My heart just kept breaking. That is when I felt a hand on my shoulder, a familiar touch. I looked up slowly and I saw the regret in your eyes, but the sadness you felt because you saw my tears. You felt sorry for me, nothing more. As much as I wanted to hide my tears, they just kept escaping down my face. I was unable to look strong. You put your fingers to my tears and wiped them away. You pulled me into your chest and held me for a couple moments. You opened your mouth to speak, but the doors from outside opened. You pulled your arms back and spaced yourself away from me. We both turned our heads to see who had infiltrated our intimate moment, it was a stranger, but when I turned back to face you, you were gone. I was left with the warm feeling of your hand still lingering on my face. I felt like crying again, but I didn't I had picked myself up from the floor and made my way outside. I stumbled towards the sidewalk. The sky around me had begun to turn dark. Clouds were forming around me. Thunder began to break the sound of the wind, while the rain slowly began to fall; picking up its pace as every drop fell. I stood there for what seemed like a million moments, while my clothes began to stick to my body as they got drenched. When chills began to start shaking my body, I slowly began to move my feet. That's when I saw you again. You were walking out from the building with a pale hand clasping to yours. A piece of my heart broke off again. I watched you as you led her to a car that was waiting, your body shielding her from as much rain as your body could cover. You opened the door and helped her inside. After the door shut, you stood in the rain for a couple seconds longer. Each rain drop was soaked in by the curls of your hair. That is probably the moment you realized I was staring, because you turned towards my direction. Your eyes met mine, but I was already caught and too scared to look away. You walked towards me and held out your hand. I hesitated, but I grabbed your hand anyways. We began walking. We weren't saying a word to each other, probably, because we didn't know what to say. It was still raining, but our bodies didn't register the cold. We walked by a corner store grocery mart, where an old man with groceries was walking out. You let go of my hand and I felt anxious, but I saw you walk up to the man and help him in to his car and put his groceries in. You were such a gentleman. You walked back towards me and held out your hand again. I intertwined my fingers into yours. We kept walking. The rain slowly started to die out and the rays from the sun were fighting their way through the clouds. I smiled at you. I felt at home. When I finally realized where you were walking me, it was too late. I saw the familiar steps of my porch and the red from the bricks of my house. You had walked me home. You stopped at the door and turned towards me. My heart was chipping off slowly, it already knew. I felt the familiar feeling in my stomach of turning and twisting. You put your hand to my face and brushed me cheek. I sadly looked down at my wet shoes. You tilted up my chin and opened your mouth to speak again, but the words that came out were not what I was expecting. You said in a serious tone, too serious to be you, "It's not your fault." That is when I felt my heart completely fall in to the pit of my stomach and the words that were trying to form around my lips came out in mumbles. The tears that accompanied my mumbles gave away my feelings in an instance...

After all this time, I held on to the feeling of guilt. The reason for my guilt, was that I thought it was my fault you left, when in reality, we just grew up and drifted apart.

Thoughts for the Day: Thinking is Missing Squared.

There are points in time, where I will stop and think about you, but not in the way everyone thinks I do. I stop and think about your smile, your laugh, and your eyes, but not in the way you think I do. Sometimes, I stop and think about you when I really want to cry, but not in the way I think I do. Oh no, it is not in the way of love. It is a feeling beneath the crust of the earth, miles and miles down, to the core. The place where no one has ever explored, locked away because of the dangers, if even exposed to once. Not in the way you think where my heart beats faster than speed of sound. Not in the way where my heart leaps out of my chest. Only in the way I want to forget. I see you sometimes throughout the days, the places I know we have to share are the places where I want to hide behind my wall. Hating the feeling when I sometimes hope you'll call. For some reason, I don't think I'm strong enough to not think about you, I do at least once. I avoid the look of your eyes, because only you have seen inside my soul.Not in the way they think I do, I could never, I won't, go back to loving you. It was a battle with scars and too many drinks at the bars. I'm stronger than I was, but then I realize I'm still not strong at all. I think about you, but not in the way you want me to. I sometimes conclude that thinking is just missing and missing is a part of moving on. I'm on my journey to start anew and I sometimes love, sometimes hate, that its not with you. There are points in time where I will stop and think, but one day, someday, it won't be about you.