I had a dream about you again. We were standing in the halls of the high school we went to. The lights were dim as if I was looking on to a memory I once lived. If I close my eyes now, I could still feel the lingering feeling of how I felt in that dream. The warmth and security of your presence was always enough for me. I really hate dreaming about you, because when I wake up I have to think about you. In all honesty, I would rather forget. I want to forget, but my mind will always think of you at times I am vulnerable. There is one scene that sticks inside my head.
It starts out where I am sitting in a desk at the library reading a book, but then you walk in. I'm mostly surprised, but happy at the same time. I hide my face beneath the book and I peek up at you. You catch a glimpse of me and you turn quickly enough around trying to even register on your face that you saw me, but I already knew you did. A part of my heart broke off then. I stood up from my desk and I wander after you, but you're already gone. I wander the hallway aimlessly for a couple minutes. I then stop at one of the metal doors that lead outside. There was a staircase off to the side of the doors and that is when I collapsed to the floor and cried. I sobbed till my chest hurt and my eyes burned. My heart just kept breaking. That is when I felt a hand on my shoulder, a familiar touch. I looked up slowly and I saw the regret in your eyes, but the sadness you felt because you saw my tears. You felt sorry for me, nothing more. As much as I wanted to hide my tears, they just kept escaping down my face. I was unable to look strong. You put your fingers to my tears and wiped them away. You pulled me into your chest and held me for a couple moments. You opened your mouth to speak, but the doors from outside opened. You pulled your arms back and spaced yourself away from me. We both turned our heads to see who had infiltrated our intimate moment, it was a stranger, but when I turned back to face you, you were gone. I was left with the warm feeling of your hand still lingering on my face. I felt like crying again, but I didn't I had picked myself up from the floor and made my way outside. I stumbled towards the sidewalk. The sky around me had begun to turn dark. Clouds were forming around me. Thunder began to break the sound of the wind, while the rain slowly began to fall; picking up its pace as every drop fell. I stood there for what seemed like a million moments, while my clothes began to stick to my body as they got drenched. When chills began to start shaking my body, I slowly began to move my feet. That's when I saw you again. You were walking out from the building with a pale hand clasping to yours. A piece of my heart broke off again. I watched you as you led her to a car that was waiting, your body shielding her from as much rain as your body could cover. You opened the door and helped her inside. After the door shut, you stood in the rain for a couple seconds longer. Each rain drop was soaked in by the curls of your hair. That is probably the moment you realized I was staring, because you turned towards my direction. Your eyes met mine, but I was already caught and too scared to look away. You walked towards me and held out your hand. I hesitated, but I grabbed your hand anyways. We began walking. We weren't saying a word to each other, probably, because we didn't know what to say. It was still raining, but our bodies didn't register the cold. We walked by a corner store grocery mart, where an old man with groceries was walking out. You let go of my hand and I felt anxious, but I saw you walk up to the man and help him in to his car and put his groceries in. You were such a gentleman. You walked back towards me and held out your hand again. I intertwined my fingers into yours. We kept walking. The rain slowly started to die out and the rays from the sun were fighting their way through the clouds. I smiled at you. I felt at home. When I finally realized where you were walking me, it was too late. I saw the familiar steps of my porch and the red from the bricks of my house. You had walked me home. You stopped at the door and turned towards me. My heart was chipping off slowly, it already knew. I felt the familiar feeling in my stomach of turning and twisting. You put your hand to my face and brushed me cheek. I sadly looked down at my wet shoes. You tilted up my chin and opened your mouth to speak again, but the words that came out were not what I was expecting. You said in a serious tone, too serious to be you, "It's not your fault." That is when I felt my heart completely fall in to the pit of my stomach and the words that were trying to form around my lips came out in mumbles. The tears that accompanied my mumbles gave away my feelings in an instance...
After all this time, I held on to the feeling of guilt. The reason for my guilt, was that I thought it was my fault you left, when in reality, we just grew up and drifted apart.
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