Thoughts for the day: Let us wear white

Our futures were supposed to end with the white gown and tux, don't you remember what you said when we were laughing together on the floor of my bedroom. Right now we're just stuck. I'm pretty sure we messed things up when I let you go and you gave up. But darling don't you see that the things don't matter, nothing that's in-between. I thought time would give us enough time to figure things out but we're not anywhere; we're at square one. "Let me think about this" you said, but I can't remember any times where thinking was any good, don't you? C'mon let us forget the things around us and focus about our hearts; the ones that are dangling out on a line, where birds keep picking pieces of them off each time. We're now only hanging by the seams. Oh darling, let this be true. Let this be it. Can't we finally just run away or maybe, if we're lucky, we can just stay. It was always meant this way. Don't pretend to think that this is it, because the empty feeling you get at night won't go away, it won't. I've tried. I could say in the least just be honest, let me know if I've finally lost the battle. I thought we were at a standstill and we'd wave our white flags and meet up in the middle and count the losses it took to be where we're at, the glory would both be ours. I've been waiting for so long and I'd continue to wait, can't you tell? Let's just wave our white flags, we can just leave it at that.

Thoughts for the day: Hopefully, this pans out.

It's been a rough couple of days. Things continue to disappoint but I'm not holding on to that. I keep my head held up high and I look all of my problems straight in the face.

Have you thought about me the way you used to? Everyone keeps telling me about your life and how great it is, I'm happy for you. But we have this selfish love, where I'm not happy cause you're happy but I'm happy that you're happy, more than I am.

This life feels like it keeps getting longer and there is a way of never knowing. I keep trying. I keep trying. There is that point where you want to give up, but then that's when you know that's the end. There isn't a possibility left. I could never say goodbye to you forever, is that my downfall? I'm sure it is.

There are sometimes where I want to ask if you remember what it was like when your body was next to mine. When your lips were on my skin. When your eyes showered me with affection. It was good memories, but in all honesty with all thats happened I wouldn't like to live them again. I want to start anew.

I feel like if I keep running I won't get anywhere. I'm going to start fighting my own battles and continue to believe in all the things that I love.

"If I said, "I Love you." would you say it too? Just like you used to or, even better, to start anew?"

Thoughts for the day: Times are changing (I'll have a seat)

Oh wait please don't go. I've got a lot to tell, doesn't it show?
These faces around me on the streets,
are nothing to compare to you.

These cigarettes by night have been my solitude,
these hidden drinks I hide, can you smell it on my breath,
I'm trying too.
You say you are happy when your heart feels that way,
but I can't help but think you're lying, because my heart is grey.
I'm in the in-between where happy and sadness meet,
I'm at the edge of a cliff where even if I fall,
the words you've said to me just echo off the walls.

These nights keep rolling by,
and when you lay next to her do you feel at home?
more than you felt when you were with me?

Keep playing house but one day you'll know that as much as you pretend you already know,
cook and clean and laugh and play,
but the times you lay awake thinking of me,
can you picture me laughing?
Picture me free.

These words we say to each other I feel like we've said too much or not enough?
I feel as if we keep forcing things to go our way,
but as you know its too hard and tedious to cheat the lottery,
nothing will go our way,
let me put these drinks away.

The lights in this city are starting to die out,
maybe its finally time to move towns,
these people are changing,
and I feel like I'm stuck in the past trying to make things stay the same,
I'm in the old fashioned way of thinking,
is that why nothing is going anywhere?
I'm trying to keep things the same when all you are doing is trying to tell me you've changed.

These goodbyes we keep saying,
these words we keep forcing ourselves to say,
I'm losing hope and faith,
and you lost it long ago, I should have known.

I should have known.

Can we just say goodbye this time?
like grown adults,
we can have a sip of whiskey and coke,
we can talk it out or not at all,
we can let the clothes fall,
and our bodies talk,
Let us just say goodbye,
no regrets, no words, nothing more than knowing why it hurts.

Thoughts for the day: Fool for life

You're late again.
Don't you pretend that I can't see all the lies you've sold.
It 2 am and you don't respond, I guess I should understand that you're not alone.
I can't help but notice that  I'm the love you wish you had, the love you want when its just you inside your head.

I can't help but think of the good memories that we had and that keeps me a float for a while. I think I'm waiting for something that isn't going to happen and that is the down fall of my life. I can't help but think that I'm the emotional mess you seek, something to keep your mind fixated on; to help your life be filled with meaning. You say you can't help but think of me, well, I think of you too. Look at us though, no one has a fucking clue. I'm naive to think that you'd be waiting for me like  you said. Its been a couple months, maybe years and you have brought on all of my fears. I can't help but think I'm wasting my time, when you are out laughing and having a great time.

I'm sorry I waited around this long.

I keep thinking that when the day comes and you are in my arms for the first time that you'll know that it was supposed to be me and you. I'm trying to tell myself this isn't the way it is supposed to be, our life is nothing like the movies.

You used to tell me you loved me and now I can't help but think its the regurgitated words that you use too much. It makes me sick, nauseous, like I want to throw up. I'm figuring out my life and there are so many other options, why the hell do I keep giving you chance after chance?

I keep telling myself that it is okay because it is YOU. You have so many holds over me I can't help but buckle every single time. I'm sorry, but c'mon, I have to say goodbye, but don't worry I won't remember you after a few drinks.

Its times like these where I tell myself to grow up, nobody has time for this.

Thoughts for the day: Sometime I'll tell you (Sometime I'll know you)

Maybe I'll tell you sometime.
And that time you'll know that its not about the late night calls or texts.
Its not even about the sex.
Maybe sometime I'll tell you.
Maybe sometime I'll know you.

Its late and it's cold. The night seems to know what is in store.
Do you see me waiting under the light?
I bet you won't take a second glance or a second chance.
This is the end of the story of the one we've been trying to tell for so long.
I toss and turn in the middle of my dreams, I can't help but move, I've lost so much sleep.
I can't help but whisper when I am with you, only because, no one has a clue.

Maybe I'll tell you sometime.
And that time you'll know that its not about the late night calls or texts.
Its not even about the sex.
Maybe sometime I'll tell you.
Maybe sometime I'll know you.


I've dug up those old notes and pictures.
I laugh and frown at the same time.
You even can't remember the things you've said back then.
Oh, how long ago it seems.
I'm drowning in my own sin, Can you see it too?
Is that why you've forgotten the things you once knew?

Maybe I'll tell you sometime.
And that time you'll know that its not about the late night calls or texts.
Its not even about the sex.
Maybe sometime I'll tell you.
Maybe sometime I'll know you.

We've talked about the days when we'll see each other again,
I don't even know where to begin.
You say the things will happen just right,
the touch of skin,
the blanket of the night
I'm pretty sure this wasn't supposed to be like this too.
Maybe sometime I'll finally know you.

Maybe I'll tell you sometime.
And that time you'll know that its not about the late night calls or texts.
Its not even about the sex.
Maybe sometime I'll tell you.
Maybe sometime I'll know you.

Maybe sometime I'll tell you, Maybe sometime I'll know you too.
Ooh, maybe sometime I'll know you....

Thoughts for the day: The night holds all secrets

"I feel like I've lost some part of myself. The part where morals and everything just sort of seems to slip away. Is this where I want to be?"

This bed seems bigger than it was when I was little, probably because when I was a child loneliness wasn't even in my vocabulary. That's the thing about growing up is that everything you once thought you knew is re-introduced to you with your knew fresh adult mind. I remember when my bed was the safest place I could be, especially when the darkness would scare me. Now? Now this bed is the last thing where I want to be at night.

Do you see the times where I comepletely fall back on my word?

This goodbye was more like a see ya later and deep down you know that too.

When that night comes and I'm waiting in my night gown and this is the day you're only in town, I hope you know, I'll be waiting. I'll be waiting like I said I would. Those late night calls and texts we've sent, We both know we aren't done yet.

I'll be pretending to sleep but I hope you'll be waiting for me too. The night that both of us can just be and I hope you realize that too.

The music we send confesses our love when plains words are forbidden. We find a way to prove each day, that we are on each others minds.

Until that night comes, I'll be waiting in my thoughts for you.

Thoughts for the day: Everyone in-between doesn't matter

He screams and screams. She yells and yells.
Both are deaf, can't you tell?
They keep arguing til they both can't breathe and yet not one of them can remember anything.
It's been six years where words aren't enough, but he think things would be fixed if they touched.
They've been waiting for the boom-box romance, the kind you want when you're a kid, but they're too scared to admit it.
He hasn't noticed that even as time goes by they're still doing everything to keep each others eyes.
He has his.
She has hers.
Deep down they want to share everything and time, but he is gone. She is here.
Distance doesn't break anyone only fear.
He is scared.
He is alone.
She's not the reminder of love, she's the love you're trying to give to someone else. Even as their lives keep diverging into two distinct paths she's willing to jump of course for him, but I think that is what makes her the fool.
The best kind of inspiration is love and the love she has for him will keep her inspired for a lifetime.
 It's been six years and they still act like kids that don't know what they want.




"Everyone in-between doesn't matter. 'You promise?' 'I Promise.'"