Well, well, well. It's been a rough week, work is work and I feel like I'm completely run down. I'm exhausted. When I'm all of those things I start to feel sad. Like a lonely sad. Is when I'm sad the only times I think of you?
I write you letters, novels really, and I throw them away because you and I aren't friends anymore. I want to tell you how my day is and was, and tell you about the bad things too, but then I realize again, that were no longer friends.
I've built this wall so it will stop hurting; why won't it stop hurting?
We've grown up and we've grown apart. Do you remember when we were young and naive and you said we'd get married and everything would fall into place? Now look at us, not acknowledging each other and pretending to not care. How sad.
Do you remember when we would talk on the phone for hours and I still wonder why we could talk for so long about nothing and still be laughing 3 hours later. Is that because it was you and I?
There's times where I tell you goodnight in my head and pretend that oh I'm important enough for you to say it back. Hah wow, delusional maybe. Is there a point where it's a lost cause, are you the lost cause?
It's okay to feel like you don't belong, but that's when you get up and start over, but starting over is hard when so many other people want so much from you.
I've been giving people advice and they haven't listened, is that because I can't take my own advice?
When I see your face and you're smiling, it kind of hurts to know that nothing phased you, is that what makes me bitter also?
Don't pretend to hate me because we were such great friends, but then there's the oxymoron; how can you hate me when we were such good friends?
I wish I could have said something to make you stay here, but then it would be one sided again right? Was the best thing I could do for you is build the courage to not break first and try to mend everything, maybe that's the problem; I'm trying to fix everything.
Control...
"You blow a kiss, you wave goodbye, I'm standing still watching the time, you turn around, you walk away, I'm standing here counting the days."
It's what we take from the experiences in our lives, its not about building walls up around you, its about laying the brick out front and forming your own path. Don't let other people bring you down, if they were meant to be in your life they would, because there not, you're just meant for something better.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a GREAT muse. I can think of several songs to write just from this alone. It reminds me of a girl I used to know. We could talk about anything. She was always there, until one day... we grew up... in a sense. Things changed. We drifted apart. Now we RARELY EVER speak 2 words for years at best. How 2 best friends so close can become 2 complete strangers... it's mind boggling to try and comprehend.
ReplyDeleteWhat James has said holds much truth. But rather than to build a path you must first pave the foundation. Find a place that is "level" constant, secure. Then build your walls if you wish, but like a house you must have windows and a door so that when you are ready you can venture out once more, or invite others in. Regardless it must be strong, as you are, it must stand tall, as you should, and beyond everything it should represent who you truly are and how you feel within. When you do create your path, do not let anyone obscure the way to it's destination. Simply invite them to follow as you take the lead.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your thoughts. I do let every single comment soak into my head, and both of you are correct; I should keep moving forward. I sometimes feel like i'm in a room with no doors no windows, and when I try to make a noise, it echoes off the walls to remind me that I'm alone. It's tough trying to be stronger, but I am trying. I'm trying to let others in again, but trust is such a big part, that I would rather hide myself away then experience as much pain and sadness that I have felt; over time, it goes away, I'm just waiting for that day to come. I appreciate y'alls advice, more than you know.
ReplyDelete我々は理解していま す。あなたが克服す る。世界は過小評価 する。我々はに住ん でいます。
ReplyDelete- 匿名、インコグニー ト、自発
私は本当にいつか日本に移動したい。私のこれ を げいじゅつのげんごです。
ReplyDeleteあなたは誰ですか.
- モガンナ エスピノザ
あなたが絶対に魅力 的です。私はあなた を責めないでくださ い。日本は非常に不 思議な、心に強く訴 えるような場所で す。私は地球上の息 子だ。私はあなたが 孤独を感じるときに 話すことを沈黙で す。私は友人です 本当に私を知って、 まず私の目に、私の 心の中で、私の思考 を介して、私の言葉 を越えて見なければ ならない。ある日、 あなたは答えを見つ けるときには私の名 前を知っているだろ う。今の私はあなた のためにここにいる ことを知っていま す。
ReplyDelete-自発的な、インコ グニート、匿名
Weird how there is more than one way to say the same thing.
ReplyDeleteYes. Same words, different variations, in a different order. Do you know the language aswell?
ReplyDelete-S.I.A.
You fascinate me. I'm currently still learning it, not as fluent as I would like to be, but getting there. I know there are so many ways to say something. It's really one of my hobbies and I love anything Asian, but preferably Japanese things.
ReplyDeleteNo.... :( Google Translate... I was just interested in knowing what the f**k was being said. :T Sorry....
ReplyDeleteAww well other anonymous you should pick it up, it's totally amazing! :) I promise you won't regret learning it, and it's so much better than Spanish!
ReplyDeleteIt is perfectly fine my fellow anonymous friend.
ReplyDeleteTo: Morganna Espinoza
You flatter me. But you truly are a very intriguing individual. I am still studying the language a bit myself. The written scripted writings are truly marvelous. No doubt a beautiful art indeed. I am going to try to invite you through my google plus account here in a moment. I look forward to hearing from you.
I look forward to it, no doubt!
DeleteIt seems as though we have inadvertently connected already. My profile is Mohawkian Savage, my blog is Savage Contemplation. You should have no trouble finding it I'm sure. Within the next hour I will post a song I am working on. You may read it at any time. I am posting it specifically for you. I hope you enjoy it.
ReplyDelete- S.I.A.
I've found you via google+, but once you post your stuff can you send me a link, I'm having trouble finding your actual blog :) okay thanks!
DeleteIt's because I have it set privately. But I believe I sent it to your profile directly. If not let me know, and I will attempt to send it in an alternative manner.
ReplyDelete-S.I.A.