Thoughts for the day: Ashes

There sometimes where I notice that I'm not all what I'm cracked up to be. I present this persona. "Like Me" I'll scream on the inside. I crave attention. Is there something in my head that switches this way? Is it a habitual pattern I picked up? Look at me, look at me. I make decisions hastily. I don't follow them through and then I watch the city burn in the aftermath. I don't want to break you. I don't want to break down and hide away. There's these moments in life where I look at myself and try to keep forcing a smile on my face. When I'm with you though, everything else seems so obsolete. I feel like I'm supposed to. I feel like a grown-up in 21 year-old skin. We try to connect through our minds. Intellectual chatter. Try to steal my heart, but its lost in the way of my mind. There are these moments, moments where I test you. I test you and, sometimes, you fail. I think there are times where you don't know what you want. I can see that you're soul searching. What are you searching for? I don't think love is in your best interests. I think a companion is what you need most. I can feel your heartache from across the table. Why are you so sad? You make me nervous. I feel like I should be a little more sophisticated than I need to be. Am I trying too hard? I want to stay in my own world and and just exist. I saw that blood today. It was streaming down their faces and I watched intensely. What does pain like that feel like? Even though its fake, there was some sense of aggression it was letting out for me. I connected. I feel like the end of our rope is drawing near. We are nothing but slowly turning from fire to ashes. Is this ember all that is left of two souls searching for completeness? I toss the ideas around sometimes that you could be that someone. What would happen in the future? Is there a future for lost souls? Do we continuously wander through nights and live by the light of street lamps?

"Let the sun rise, do you see what's inside? The hills are on fire, can you feel the desire? Are you suffocating in the smoke tonight?"