Is it strange that people hide from their feelings?
I'm taking time to move on after all the dust had settled and yet I feel like I'm leaving you in all the dust, am I scared to move forward because I'll lose everything?
Scared. Feeling as if I'm on everyone else's time and not my own. I don't want to pretend that I'm getting better. I slowly am but I just need something, but what is this something? What void am I trying to fill? What am I trying to accomplish?
Can you be the one to save me? Should I let chance decide everything and I'll be better?
If I see you struggling I think I'll feel guilty because I'm not. I've never really had to struggle, does that make me spoiled? Is that why we can't understand each other anymore? We're on different levels of understanding.
Then there's everything else. The universe is trying to help me fill this void I've been feeling but when I grab and latch onto those things, does it make me selfish to want to fill the empty void with words and faces?
Control, that's all I've ever wanted. I want to be able to control how I feel and get a grip on reality and be able to smile and be happy. But then there's that word again, happy. And control can never be, I just have to go with the flow. But how can I go with the flow when the waves are too rough to endure?
"Return me to my former glory, can you see the illusion of who I'm trying to create?"
It is a void that you do not yet understand. A void that you and I and many of us constantly attempt to seek out, yet... never seem to find. However it is always present in times of deep contemplation, but once again just out of reach. Perhaps endless and impossible to fill. Never the less it is present. We shall never truly understand it until we understand it's source. It's origin. Where did it start? Where did it come from? Your entries are all quite interesting. Very intriguing to the mind and indeed inspirational. I wish you luck and look forward to reading more.
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