Thoughts for the day: I'm pretty sure I left for a reason

I'm at a loss for words.

I feel like there are so many feelings mixed up in the pit of my gut and there is no way how to explain how it feels.

I started this thing where I dropped a couple people, a couple people that I thought were close "friends", but for some reason I feel like the bad guy.
I feel like I'm leaving them out in the dust, but what I need to drill into my skull is that they left me behind already.

I had this dream the other night, that you were in this house in the middle of nowhere. I walked in and I saw you but all we did was argue. All we did was throw stuff and get to the points that the blood in our faces could show. When I turned to leave it had started raining. The kind of rain where everything was blurry and nobody could see two feet in front of them. I didn't care about the rain at the time and I started to make my way to the edge of your yard to reach the gate to leave. Every step I took it seemed heavy; the rain had been so bad that the ground was nothing but mud. I took another step and my foot would sink deep into the ground as if the mud was trying to swallow my leg whole. I tripped and fell, face first into the mud and the mud just started to slowly drag me back to the house; your house. I pushed myself up and tried to crawl the rest of the way, but the mud was everywhere. As the rain continued, the mud began to get worse by the second. The moment I reached the gate I let out a sigh of relief. I reached and pushed open the gate, I stood up and I instantly stopped. There was no where to walk beyond from the gate. It was if I could step off the face of the earth. Then the dream ended.


Did this mean that after all the crap that kept dragging me back to you, when I finally overcome things, that I need to fall off the face of the earth to get away from you?

"These memories have me thinking, but these feelings have me leaving, and at the end of the day, I'm slightly glad I left that day."