"The wind was calm and very soft, upon my cheeks it kissed.
The sun was strong and very bright, upon my eyes it met.
The sky was blue, oh so blue, that I couldn't help but sleep,
and little diamond fairies played songs to me in my dreams."
The sun has been shining recently and even though I'm always stuck inside, just the thought of a beautiful day puts me in better spirits. I've been working non-stop again but this time I don't seem as run down as I have been, maybe that's because I'm actually hanging out with some friends, so work doesn't seem like that is only what I'm doing with my life.
I had a long conversation with someone lately and it was a very pointless conversation. The day after was better because maybe the problem, no, the problem was that it was a drunken conversation the night before. We talked about everything. I said, "As soon as I'm out of that door, I won't look back and I won't try to speak to you again. If I see you, I'm going to ignore you. If I have to speak to you, I'll be very civil, polite, and I will treat you like a stranger I just met. Don't think you're special, not anymore." And after everything was said and done, I left. I remember him calling out, "You'll be back." I turned around one last time and said, "I bet you I won't." Could that be the worst thing I could bet? No, because that put more determination to not crawl back. Honestly, I don't plan on it, sometimes I think I'm going to cave, but I have made a deal with myself that I won't put myself into that situation anymore. I'm not saying that you're a bad guy or anything, I'm not talking you down, I'm just saying that it wasn't healthy; I deserve better. The best thing about leaving that day, is that I can look back on this goodbye where laughing was everything and no tears were shed, it is the memory I like in my head better anyways. It is done.
I've felt this weight on my shoulders for a while, but this time I am standing up tall and I charging towards my future, my goals, and maybe along the way we could eventually become friends again, but not anytime soon. This dance we've been dancing to can you see that no one can hear the music except for us? No one understands.
You were once my priority, but now I am taking my own life in my own hands and I'm going to let you make mistakes and pick yourself up, because I know that you can take care of yourself, not everyone needs me to be saved. Only You can save yourself.
"As the songs concluded in my dreams, I woke up to my own reality."
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